How has recovery changed my life? Part 3Mikea

In part one of this story, I shared that freedom was one of my greatest gifts I received in recovery. In part two, I told stories of folks being kind toward me and my situation.
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These kind acts began to chip away at the tough exterior I had built around me during my addiction. I started to see the good in the world again.

I will never forget the generous offer to sleep on a couch for a couple of nights. Melanie had requested that I do not use meth and that I must leave before her 13 yr old daughter returned from visiting her father. I followed the rules and did not use. The ability to sleep for 20 hours a day definitely helped the detoxification process I was experiencing.

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It was now day 3, the day her daughter is coming home. I dreaded the thought of having to go back out. My stay was beginning to feel comfortable and my head was becoming less foggy. As I was lying on the couch,  her daughter walked through the apartment door. Quickly, I shut my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I recall thinking to myself, do I just go back to sleep and see how this plays out or do I get up and leave.

With no desire to leave the comfort of my “new digs”, I chose to go back to sleep. I contacted Melanie a few hours later. She said her daughter was fine with me staying. This was truly a blessing. I stayed at her apartment for two weeks. The maximum time allowed by management.

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I began to wonder what life would be like if I got clean and sober.

How would I accomplish this? Where would I go? Who would help me? I had burned almost all of my bridges, at this point. For the first time, I really started to believe it was the end of the road for me. I needed to make a change.

The two week stay seemed like five minutes. I did not want to leave. I think Melanie and her daughter wanted me to stay longer, as well. We kind of developed a sense of family during the short visit. Looking back, that seems very odd to me. Perhaps we were all looking for missing pieces in the puzzle of life.

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It didn’t take long for me to resume using meth once I hit the streets again. I wanted to numb my pain and despair.

My future looked very bleak, during this time. I could not see a way out. Was I going to survive living like this? Where the hell am I going to stay now?

The wild and crazy adventures continued every time I would try to score some meth. One adventure landed me in a small, run down one bedroom apartment. A lady in her 50’s lived there alone. She was definitely crazy, but she would buy meth every single day. She would also share, so she quickly became my new best friend.

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My days were beginning to grind to a halt. It felt as if time was standing still.

I was in the same routine on a daily basis. The free meth was a very nice perk. However, I quickly grew tired of this lady’s schizophrenia and paranoia. I had to get out of there.

I started spending more and more time at the local library with air conditioning. Also, they had computers with internet access. I would freshen up in the oversized restroom and even catch some snores upstairs in the reading room that no one seemed to use.

One day I sat down to a computer and started to look for…

To be continued…

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