lisa

SFYB Staff Writer

Alcoholism is a Mental Terrorist. Fight the Fear!

By: Lisa

Fear is a state of mind.  It’s there to protect us and remind us danger is imminent. That doesn’t mean we have to let it debilitate us.  We need to acknowledge the fear, thank it for being a protective voice, and then gently move forward with our intended plans in an informed way.

But alcoholism is a form of terrorism.  Terrorism in our minds.  It holds us for ransom by gripping us with fear.

terrorism

Before I began my sober journey, I was a hostage to fear:

  • I feared that I was an alcoholic, but I was too scared to admit it to myself
  • I feared that I wouldn’t be funny enough at a party
  • I feared I couldn’t relax enough to chat openly with people
  • I feared I wouldn’t be able to relax after a stressful day without a wine
  • I feared I wouldn’t be able to get to sleep at night if I hadn’t chilled with wine first
  • I feared that I couldn’t seem to stop myself from drinking
  • I feared I couldn’t stop at one or two glasses
  • I feared I couldn’t cope in an evening when my children were behaving badly
  • I feared that after only a few AFDs (if I could in fact manage any), I would be drawn back to the booze
  • I feared that when I didn’t drink during the week, I would binge heavily on the weekends
  • I feared how I always stayed to the end and got myself in dangerous situations.

Then I decided to confront the fear head on and take charge.  It took a few goes, but I was set free in the end.

To beat the fear, you have to acknowledge it is there and assess the potential threats. Then you have a choice whether to rise to the challenge and step out, OR retreat and hide.

Alcoholism is a Mental Terrorist. Fight the Fear!

It is brave to step out, you could get shot down.

However, if you stay in a hostage situation, you could end up cowering in the corner with a ‘gun pointed at your head.’

You could stand, put your hands in the air, and surrender.  Hopefully, you will get set free.  You might not. You may be sent back to cower in the corner, only to put your hands up and surrender a few more times before you’re finally set free or get to escape.

But if you stay in the corner forever you may never know an alternative outcome.

I chose to stick my neck out in the end and deal with what came at me.  It wasn’t pretty, and it wasn’t enjoyable. It was unknown and very frightening and it took several attempts.

I was fortunate to escape and lucky enough to drag a few survivors with me.

A_freedom

Because I escaped, I am telling my story so more people will know they CAN step out, fight the fear, and win.

Luckily, in this situation, you don’t have to stay hostage… The choice IS yours to make.

I appreciate my freedom now, and I do not take it for granted.  There will always be fearful situations in life, but I’m not going to stop living because of it.

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lisa
Lisa is a recovering alcoholic, living in New Zealand. She is a middle aged, married mother of three, who owns a successful home-based business. She is also a freelance writer. Lisa likes to share her sobriety journey, hoping it will help others with their addiction struggles.

Filed under: AddictionAlcoholismRecoverySelf-Esteem