This is an email that I sent to my mother. Joanne Miller Not My Fault

I need you to understand that my addiction is not your fault. Parents are so hard on themselves. It doesn’t matter if you are the picture perfect parent, I know none of those. No one does, but the best ones I do know are hard on themselves. The people that think they are perfect, usually are not.
Joann Miller

SFYB Desk Senior Editor

Here right now I am releasing my parents of any thoughts that they are the reason. I am an adult, and my choices are my own. There are things I need help with that are overdue; that is all. In no way does that mean I blame you for the present, and the past is the past. We as parents all do the best we can with what we have and know. Believing that you love me is no issue. The issues I have now are my own.

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Mom My Addiction Is Not Your Fault Click to Tweet

Please stop beating yourself up…I love you. There are some things that I have to look at about the person I am, not the parent that you were. When I talk about needing mental help, please don’t hear that as a mark of you or your parenting. You are my Mom, and you love me. My Dad loves me; that is not the problem. The problem lays within me. Loving myself in any way healthy has been an issue that I have always had.

It’s my shortcomings, something within my mind that tells me you are bad. You have always been bad and always will. I am trying to silence that voice in my head. It is something only I can do. I am lucky to have the support I have; I don’t even deserve it. Mom, don’t beat yourself up, I have done enough of that to you. I don’t blame anyone for my mistakes. They are my own, and that is what I am trying figure out.

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Nothing that happened before I became an adult matter. I chose to do what I do, and I take full responsibility. When you hear me say I need help and need to work through things in my past, it is not an attack on anyone. It is simply the truth. Please don’t take my issues upon yourself.

I love you; I forgive anything you are worried about or may think I blame you for. I don’t, it’s old news and has no bearing on the present. You did the best you could; I do the best I can with my children it is with myself that I fall short. I am so sorry for all the pain I have caused, how I wish I could take it away. All I can do now is work on the voice in my head that works so hard to destroy anything good in my life. That voice is not yours; it is mine. I love you.

*Art by Aaron Griffin

I sent this apology to my Mother in March.  I hope you enjoyed it.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

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operation we can recover

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Joann Miller
JoAnn Miller has over a year clean from a 20-year opiate and benzo addiction. She is the owner of several blogs and websites where she fights the stigma of addiction daily.

JoAnn lives in Louisville, KY with her husband of 23 years and their eight-year-old son. Between homework and dishes, JoAnn works hard to spread awareness. At almost anytime you will find her online helping anyone that needs a shoulder to lean on.
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Filed under: AddictionOpiates